Hanging on…leaning into you

Sometimes this is all you can do when you have experienced THREE huge losses in such a short time. Most days I vacillate between trying to stay busy and not wanting to be around anyone. I try to get out at least 3 times a week, which requires putting on make-up and looking well…decent.

Nothing will change
If all the plans I make are wrong, Your love stays the same
Your light will guide me through it all, I’m hangin’ on
I’m leaning in, to You

Besides the incredible sadness I feel most of the time, life goes on and so must I. I am so grateful I have an awesome team of buyer agents that are their to help me and cover for me. I am so grateful that my children are around me. Matthew was here for almost 4 months to help me out but he is back in Nashville as of last week. Let me tell what is hard and that is to be around my children who are also grieving, see them grieving…yet trying to be strong for me.

Nothing can reach, 
The end of all Your faithfulness
Your grace is with me,
Through every shadow, every test
I’m hangin’ on
I’m leaning in, to You

One of my sweet blogging friends Rich Jacobson had posted this song on his Activerain blog when Jamie and Lillian died but I didn’t remember it. He updated it last week to include my husband, Mike and it quickly became my favorite song. I guess it pretty much describes how I feel..I’m hanging on but leaning into Jesus.

I really do not know how folks without a relationship with the Lord could get through the loss of a child…many don’t…as I can attest from all the Facebook groups on grief I belong to. You see I live with the HOPE that I will see Mike, Jamie and “Lilly Bear” again. I know that they will be there to meet me at Heavens Gates. I know that someday when we live on the New Earth that we will never say good-bye again.

You are my rock
When storms are raging all along,
You shelter me, God
I’m safe with you on solid ground,
I’m hangin’ on
I’m leaning in, to You

What am I doing?

I get asked all the time, what my plans are and if I am still planning to move to Tenn.

I actually have no clue…one day at a time.

Right now I am still trying to get all Mike’s “stuff” in order. It has been one big hassle, we still don’t have our health care, or his pension coming through. Seems like the State of Michigan always needs one more form. Still dealing with Honda to get the loan in my name. Of course they were suppose to send the form 6 weeks ago. Still haven’t gotten the boats out at the lake and trying to get bids to get my house ready to sell in the Spring. That I do know, my house is too big.

I wanted my book to be published on the second anniversary of Jamie’s death but due to Mike’s death that is going to be delayed.

I don’t know where you’ll take me
But I know You’re always good
My hope is built on nothing else,
Than Your great love, Your righteousness
I will not walk another way
I trust Your heart, I trust Your name
I’m holdin’ on
I’m holdin’ on, to You

I am hanging in there, holding on to a God who is Sovereign, He knows the end from the beginning, and He is good even in the midst of sadness, sorrow and grief. On the right column of this blog I have one of Jamie’s songs that he wrote and recorded Running Around In Circles, hence the name of the blog.

I hope you enjoy the song as much as I have.

Lyrics:  http://www.dvdlyrics.com/lyrics-p-paul_baloche-my_hope.html#ixzz2fI30IIcO