The Lord gives and the Lord takes away
And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21
This scripture is from the book of Job. Job lost everything that we value, his livelihood, his wife, his children and yet…he was able to say, “the Lord gives and the Lord takes away;blessed be the name of the Lord”.
There are times in my grief journey where I wish I could be more like Job. I have spent a lot of time reading the Book of Job the last 3 years. It has brought great comfort to me…and hope.
This is the first year I have spent at our home since Jamie, Lillian and Mike went on ahead to heaven. Last year we were in Paducah at my brothers house and the year before that in Washington, D. C with Mike’s brother. Last week I fell getting out of the bathtub, (yikes) and injured my hamstring muscle so there was no way I could be driving anywhere.
A few days ago my oldest daughter Christa asked my youngest son Andrew what kind of pie he wanted for Thanksgiving and he said, “I really don’t want to do Thanksgiving, Christa.” About that time unbeknownst to me I hollered downstairs and ask him the same thing. Christa said he just dropped his head to his chest.
I miss my family and the way things were. Yea, I know God is in control. Yea, I know that they wouldn’t come back even if they had the opportunity. But, it is still hard and a very different life.
When you lose someone who you love and we have lost 3 in the last 3 years, your life as you knew it is forever changed.
I’ve always been really into holidays, all the decorating, preparing,celebrating and for close to 30 years that was my life. People talk about the need to find a “new normal”. Is that possible or is it just pretending? People have asked me, knowing I have a strong faith if I am mad at God. The answer to that is and has always been NO.
I am not mad at God, He is Sovereign over the earth and heavens and His plan is always just and right.
I am thankful for my the many years I had with my husband, son and the 13 weeks I had with Lillian but……..from my vantage point it was not long enough.
Would it ever have been?
I am thankful that I KNOW I will be reunited with them someday and THAT someday will not be 70 or so years but eternity. When I focus on an eternal perspective and all that my loved one’s are experiencing in heaven, I am at peace. Tonight however…when the house is too quiet…the missing them is front and center of my emotions. It causes me to be sarcastic, “yea right a new normal.”
I would like to say to those of you reading or following my blog to enjoy the chaos while you have a chance. Raising our five children we had a lot of chaos in our house. As Mike use to say even when they were little, “when you have a family this big, someone is always having a bad day.” I have used that expression many times as our family travels along this road we call grief.
Someone is always having a hard grief day.
Hug your kids, call you mom, don’t let the sun go down on your anger towards anyone. It is just not worth it. Tell the people you love that you love them while you have a chance. Don’t “assume” they know that.
I am grateful for the many people who have walked along side this journey with us. Who have loved us when we were unlovely. Who have understood our need to grieve and be alone together.
Tonight I pray for peace for Michael Brown’s family they have lost their son. I also pray for Officer Darren Wilson’s family. They are both suffering.
I pray for all of our soldiers who are away from their families and who will also have empty places around their Thanksgiving table.
Be grateful even in the midst of your circumstances.
I miss you Jamie and Mike and Lilly Bear.
We all do!