I am sitting here this morning in the quiet of my house. It has been 5 days since my husband died. The house is so quiet, I am assuming all the children are over at my daughter Christa’s house.
My close friend from Tennessee left this morning so I have been up since 4:30. Last night all of us (my children, Mark and Debbie Caulk their children, Sharon and Annie)sat on my deck around a fire pit sharing Mike Caulk stories.
I wanted to share at the Celebration of Life Service for Mike on Saturday, but there were no words to summarize almost 36 years of marriage.
This morning I have poured over the hundreds of FaceBook messages, texts and emails. Like I did for Jamie I set up a folder to save and re-read every one of them when I feel sad and need encouragement.
I feel so incredibly blessed to have all of you in my life. Thank you for your prayers, thoughts and kind words. They mean the world to me.
On Saturday, the day of Mike’s Celebration of Life Service I was up early and reading excerpts from my favorite book, Heaven by Randy Alcorn letting the peace of God’s Word speak to me about our Eternal Home. I have said many times and will say again…I could not have survived the last 20 months without having an eternal perspective.
Many of the comments on Facebook and at the visitation said, “You are so strong…strongest person I know…another tragedy…how can she go through this again?”
I wanted to address these comments and first of all say I know and understand what you “think” you see but….
I am not strong.
He is strong.
I am not holding on to God; He is holding on to me.
The strength you see is not coming from anything good or natural in me, but supernatural because it comes from Him.
Yes our family is grieving…but it is not the same as those who grieve without hope. We know there is immortality beyond death, and we believe in the hope of the resurrection. We grieve with hope because we absolutely know we will see Mike, Jamie and Lillian again.
The scripture we had placed on the bench dedicated to Jamie and “Lilly Bear” was “absent from the body.. present with the Lord.” 1 Cor. 5:8 This has become my families life’s verse.
The afternoon or early evening of June 12th, when Mike arrived at Heaven’s gates, he had a huge welcoming party. I know he ran into Jamie’s arms and Mike’s mother, Lillian handed “Lilly Bear” to him. He had missed them both so much and would break down in tears at various times in utter grief.
I am finishing up the book, of our story on the death of Jamie and what we learned about the lie of “brain death”.
After I had finished the original manuscript, my editor Janet sent back the first chapter and of course I had Mike read it for his thoughts and reactions, well I sure got them as he just wept. Never again was he able to read the edited chapters, it was just too hard. “I’ll read the whole thing when it is published Muffy, you have such an important message to get out,” he said.
Is it a tragedy, when we lose a love one? That my friends depends on how you look at life. Life on earth is a dot, it is short and over quick. This is true whether you leave at 13 weeks, 27, 64 years old or later. The bible says, “life is a breath, a vapor”. We are one single breath away from where we will spend eternity.
That is a reality.
For the Christian, death is not a tragedy but a glorious promotion—not the sad end, but the glorious beginning. Sometimes we hear people say how sad it is that one should die so young. But that is a deception of Satan. If a young Christian dies, it is not sad but glorious. Many of the fairest buds that ever grew on earth have blossomed in Heaven. ~ Dr. John Rice
All of us at the appointed time will leave planet earth. There is an appointed time for your birth and death. The Bible tells us that “all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be” Psalm 139:16
There is an appointed time for everything. A time to give birth and a time to die. Ecclesiastes 1-2
My family anticipates (looks forward) to heaven. This anticipation does not eliminate our pain or grief we are experiencing now… it only puts it in perspective. We long to be living together on the New Heaven and New Earth with all those who love and have loved Jesus during their short time on this present earth.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God…waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body.
Mike got up at 3:30 every morning to prepare his lesson plans for his students at Belleville High School. I would awaken at around 5:30 or 6:30, he would always have coffee made and be sitting at our dining room table, listening to worship songs as he prepared.
I will forever miss him most in the early morning hours, along with the thousands of other things we experienced together. But, I will see him again. It was not a good-bye but “see you later, my lover, my friend and my soul mate.”
***Many of you have asked me if I need anything to let you know, here is what I would like to ask you, please pray for me to continue to raise my children with godly wisdom and help me by subscribing to this blog.***