Jesus is the only one who can heal your grief and sorrow.

Crying out to Jesus is the only way.

This I know.

Yesterday “most” of my kids and I met with a therapist. My own therapist suggested it because as a family we are grieving together. As a mom who lost her son, granddaughter and husband, all within 22 months that has been unspeakably hard. Secondary grief comes when I have to watch my precious children suffer.

Heck, we even had the therapist in tears three times yesterday. I knew it was going to be bad when two of my kids were crying before the session even started.

Mike use to say, “when you have a large family someone is always having a bad day.” That is as true today as the day he spoke it when they were little children.

This time it applies as we grieve someone is always having a hard day. As their mom is heartbreaking to see your children suffer through their pain and loss. I want to help them, and I am sure I do in some ways but in many ways I fail miserably. I’m not super mom, or contrary to what some people think, “strong”.

I am constantly praying for them to reach out to Jesus as he is the anchor of hope and the only one that can get them through.

To everyone who’s lost someone they love
Long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye.

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keepin’ you back from your life.
You believe that there’s nothing
And there is no one who can make it right.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
And love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

For the marriage that’s struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love.
And they’ve done all they can to make it right again
Still it’s not enough.

For the ones who can’t break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again.
Just remember that you’re not alone
In your shame and your suffering.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
And love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus.

When you’re lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus.

Song by Third Day

Secondary grief

Secondary grief is what you experience as a result of the primary loss. I have experienced secondary grief in many ways.

Some are:

• When I forget the mail for weeks because Mike always brought it in.
• When I can’t get the router to work.
• When I can’t get the batteries to work on the boat.
• When I can’t carry gas tanks down to the boat.
• When I send forms over to insurance companies time and time again.
• When I don’t have a cup of coffee ready for me every morning when I wake up.
• When I can’t mow the lawn or get the tractor started.
• When I don’t have the emotional energy to play with the dogs.
• When I can’t figure out how to get the printer to print wirelessly anymore.
• When I remember the humor my son and husband brought into our home.
• When people don’t ask you how you are doing because they can’t handle the truth, or want to think you have put it all behind you.
• When I am watching sports University of Michigan play without Mike and Jamie sitting right there pacing along with me.

Secondary losses pop up unexpectedly. They turn up because your loved one is gone.

I don’t share these to make you feel sorry for me/us only to tell that grief has many layers and secondary grief experiences are some of them.

Only Jesus can heal your pain and sorrow and comfort you. To those who don’t have the hope of the resurrection, I honestly don’t know how they survive.

Cry out to Jesus, He hears the cry’s of the afflicted.

I am dedicating this post to Justina and her family who are suffering.

The Pelletier’s families whole world is falling apart. #FreeJustina 

Lord, I cry out to you in the name of your son Jesus, reunite this family.