God First Sunday Post, Our Journey
Today is Sunday and time for my God First post. This past week I was asked and have been asked several times since Jamie died, how I have the strength to do what I do. I want to attempt to answer that question about our journey as truthfully as I can.
Why?
First let me say I have never asked God why He took Jamie home.
Now before you think I am some spiritual giant, I am not.
I will tell you that when Lillian (my youngest daughter Allyssa’s baby) died a month later, I did ask God why?
Not once but many times.
I didn’t understand it, she was so precious and such a joy in our lives in the midst of our grief over Jamie.
I still don’t understand it.
Eventually I quit asking why, and trusted that someday when I arrive in Heaven, I will understand why Lillian’s death was part of God’s plan for our journey on earth.
Trust
When… not if, things happen to us along life’s journey there are numerous ways we can respond. Since the passing of Jamie and Lillian I have met far too many mothers that have lost children…from miscarriages to the loss of their teenage and adult children. We grieve and talk together about our children.
Some of them have slipped into the depths of despair. My heart breaks for them and I completely understand their feelings of loss and devastation.
I visit those emotions from time to time, but I try not to live there.
I made a decision fairly early on that I could trust “in” God or I could be mad “at” God by believing He had messed up. Those were my choices.
When the unplanned happens in life’s journey one quickly discovers if their faith is real or make-believe. I always said that I believed everything was under God’s rule and control and nothing happened without His direction or permission. Now I was being forced to either embrace what I said I believed or admit that it was a lie.
Was God in control?
Did God allow Jamie to be hit by a car?
When Jamie arrived at Vanderbilt he was communicating and actually signed the admittance form.
Five hours later he had a stroke.
Was God there?
Did He know ?
Was He surprised?
The Sovereignty of God
In Matthew 10:29 we read, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.”
Sparrows are small birds, they are plentiful, you see them everywhere, they are common.
Yet God in His Sovereignty knows when one, little, small, common bird falls to the ground. Later in Luke 12, we hear of sparrows again where Paul says, “you are more valuable than the sparrows and God reminds us that the very hairs on our head are numbered.
If the love and care of God extends to all creatures, even to the sparrows, and the very hairs on our head are numbered, then how much more did His love and care extend to Jamie and Lillian.
For me I was challenged in my belief that either God sees our whole life from beginning to end or he doesn’t. He is either to be trusted through the journey of hard times, the painful times, the times we don’t understand… or my faith was not true belief but a mental assent to what I had read in the bible.
We do not always understand “why” God allows certain things to happen, but we can be certain that God is not making any mistakes.
This is not a journey I would have chosen, but one God chose for me and my family. This is how I am able to do what I do.
This journey includes writing about Jamie and the legal fiction of brain death.
If our story or journey can help even one family know what happens when they sign the Organ Donor card and help them while in a hospital going through a traumatic situation it is enough.
Well said, both Missy and Carolyn. Your faith inspires many and gives them comfort in their loss and courage to continue on in their personal journeys.
I don’t claim to understand these heavy losses either, but God has done a great work in my heart and mind bringing comfort and peace. However, I had to choose to allow His love to take priority in my life for that to happen. The more that I read his Word (the Bible) and spend time with Him through prayer, the more I understand that He is in control and that His plan is much greater than I ever imagined. Sharing the hard parts of life with other believers also brings encouragement and strength. Thank you for sharing from your experiences!
You are right, it comes down to trust. I trust and believe God. I know that it was not his will for my daughter to die, but it was the enemy at work here. But God was on the scene, he was always with Melissa from the time she accepted him into her heart. He was there as she lay in the hospital bed, he was comforting her all the time, and he escorted her to Heaven, where she now lives with him. Now it is up to us to expose who the real enemy is, the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. God is good, he came to give us life, abundant life, healing, prosperity,and dominion over our enemy. The work of the Cross, the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus causes us to truimph in Christ on this earth. To absent from the body and present with the Lord is the greatest victory of our life with God.