Archives For Lillian Caulk

Jesus is the only one who can heal your grief and sorrow.

Crying out to Jesus is the only way.

This I know.

C.S.Lewis Quote (my photo)

Yesterday “most” of my kids and I met with a therapist. My own therapist suggested it because as a family we are grieving together. As a mom who lost her son, granddaughter and husband, all within 22 months that has been unspeakably hard. Secondary grief comes when I have to watch my precious children suffer.

Heck, we even had the therapist in tears three times yesterday. I knew it was going to be bad when two of my kids were crying before the session even started.

Mike use to say, “when you have a large family someone is always having a bad day.” That is as true today as the day he spoke it when they were little children.

This time it applies as we grieve someone is always having a hard day. As their mom is heartbreaking to see your children suffer through their pain and loss. I want to help them, and I am sure I do in some ways but in many ways I fail miserably. I’m not super mom, or contrary to what some people think, “strong”.

I am constantly praying for them to reach out to Jesus as he is the anchor of hope and the only one that can get them through.



To everyone who’s lost someone they love
Long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye.

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keepin’ you back from your life.
You believe that there’s nothing
And there is no one who can make it right.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
And love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

For the marriage that’s struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love.
And they’ve done all they can to make it right again
Still it’s not enough.

For the ones who can’t break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again.
Just remember that you’re not alone
In your shame and your suffering.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
And love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He’ll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus.

When you’re lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus.

Song by Third Day

Secondary grief

Secondary grief is what you experience as a result of the primary loss. I have experienced secondary grief in many ways.

Some are:

  • When I forget the mail for weeks because Mike always brought it in.
  • When I can’t get the router to work.
  • When I can’t get the batteries to work on the boat.
  • When I can’t carry gas tanks down to the boat.
  • When I send forms over to insurance companies time and time again.
  • When I don’t have a cup of coffee ready for me every morning when I wake up.
  • When I can’t mow the lawn or get the tractor started.
  • When I don’t have the emotional energy to play with the dogs.
  • When I can’t figure out how to get the printer to print wirelessly anymore.
  • When I remember the humor my son and husband brought into our home.
  • When people don’t ask you how you are doing because they can’t handle the truth, or want to think you have put it all behind you.
  • When I am watching sports University of Michigan play without Mike and Jamie sitting right there pacing along with me.

Secondary losses pop up unexpectedly. They turn up because your loved one is gone.

I don’t share these to make you feel sorry for me/us only to tell that grief has many layers and secondary grief experiences are some of them.

Only Jesus can heal your pain and sorrow and comfort you. To those who don’t have the hope of the resurrection, I honestly don’t know how they survive.

Cry out to Jesus, He hears the cry’s of the afflicted.

Justina Pellitier and her sisters and grandmother I am dedicating this post to Justina and her family who are suffering.

The Pelletier’s families whole world is falling apart. #FreeJustina 

Lord, I cry out to you in the name of your son Jesus, reunite this family

I don’t want to feel this way again…it’s too soon.

Don’t want to feel what again?


Grief is like wavesGrief is different for everyone and every person handles it differently. For me, I feel like I am in a fog…my thoughts flit here and there…I put something down…and a few minutes later I can’t find it. That makes me feel like I am loosing my mind. I’m not, it is just grief.

Yesterday I went to my office to print some insurance forms, birth certificates,our marriage license on a good copier to send into the state so Mike’s pension could get started. I was really careful and Carrie was great in helping me make good copies. I packaged them all together and needed one more bit of information.

I waited about two hours for the information to arrive…but it didn’t so I left.

Sure enough the call came as I was driving home.

When I walked in my garage door I went to open the folder so I could mail all the documents.

I couldn’t find it.

I just had it.

Panic set in…then tears.

“How could I have lost all those papers when all I did was walked to the car from my office,” I cried out to Christa.

She calmed me down,called my office and Rick one of my team members was still there. He looked around and sure enough found it, laying on my desk. My short-term memory is shot.

A friend called yesterday and wanted to know if I had done “anything fun”?

“Seriously? No, and I am not really looking for any fun, I’m barely able to get through each day.”

Weekend of July 4th

Mike Caulk and Presley Ann We have a small lake cottage about 45 minutes from our home and as a family we have so many wonderful memories up there playing and relaxing. Mike counted the days from Sept 1st (when school started) until June of each year when it was finished.

He told me one time,”the happiest day of my life is when we are driving to the lake house to open it up for the summer, and the saddest is when we are driving back Labor Day weekend.”

Only this year he died two days before that happiest day.

My brother and sister-in-law (Bud and Janet) came up from Paducah for the weekend and I was so glad.

When you have been married for 35 years, certain “chores” become “yours” and “theirs,” in the marriage relationship. One of Mike’s was getting the jet ski’s in the water, filling the tanks, and charging the batteries.

This time it fell to me and suddenly I realized I didn’t  know a thing about “any”of it. I resented he left me…to handle all of it. My plate was full just cleaning the cottage, filling it with food…and taking care of all “my jobs”.


It goes without saying but I will anyway, I know Jamie, “Lilly Bear” and Mike are all having a jolly ole’ time in heaven. But, well…it is not the same for those left behind to wait for our time to come home.

Being a Christian

Being a Christian who believes in the after-life and heaven, doesn’t stop you from feeling sad, mad, distraught, in a fog, or fearful. We experience the same awful emotions everyone does when someone they love intensely dies. Yet in the midst of the sad emotions of grief, we do grieve with a hope knowing that this life is not the end.

Life on this present earth is short and eternity lasts forever.

My family knows we will all be re-united again because we have a relationship with our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ. We will all live together on the new earth.

Jesus said, “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” John 14:1-4

Grief is a struggle…some call it a journey. A journey one is not prepared for emotionally but yet a journey we will all take during our earthly lives.

There is no cure for grief, you just have to get through it.

People say,”life goes on,”a cliche’ at best. Yet when the death of someone you love happens, life as you know it does not go on. It stops; then It changes.

Grief is hard, I did not want to experience it again…ever. And yet I am…too soon.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed toward us.” Romans 8:18