Worn Out, Tuckered Out…Grief

I never knew grief could be so exhausting. Yes plain ol’ tuckered out.

There are tons of emotions you go through when someone you loves leaves planet Earth. Being fatigued is one I have been battling with lately…especially this week. My youngest daughter was admitted to the hospital on Monday. She fell in the shower on Thursday night and hit her lower leg, hobbled around on a hockey stick for a few days and then it spread.

I took one look at the photo I had her send me Monday morning and told her to “get to the hospital now”. She was diagnosed withe Cellulitis. I had never heard of it, but one of the nurses said it was common.

Long story short…she got a hematoma and it got infected and burst so she had to have it surgically removed. Now she has a big hole in her left ankle area that has to heal from the inside out.

Being in a hospital brings back so many memories of being with Jamie for those 7 days in October 2011. I had forgotten the weariness of it all. It is exhausting. How can you get so tired just sitting? Must be mental.

When we were down in Pre-Op, I looked over at Christa and she was starting to lose it just sitting there. She had been with my husband Mike for his knee surgery in May a month before he died as I had to show a house.

My friend Wendy sent me this video today…it nailed it for me. Just what I needed to hear. Recently read a story of a man who worked for a national company and he was told to “grieve after 5:00 because people were not comfortable around sadness.”

Oh my…

I would not wish these past two years on my worst enemy. But, I am confident the struggle will end and a song will arise from the ashes of my broken life,just like the song says.

Be kind to people who are grieving, there are hundreds of thousands of us and I have met many in Facebook groups for grieving mom’s and spouses. Many times the first experience a person has with dealing with grief is when they lose a grandparent or perhaps a parent. I have lost both grandparents and parents and absolutely nothing is as horrible as loosing a child.

At some of the darkest moments in my life, some people I thought of as friends deserted me-some because they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain; others because I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. But real friends overcame their discomfort and came to sit with me. If they had not words to make me feel better, they sat in silence (better than saying, “You’ll get over it,” or “It’s not so bad; others have it worse”) and I loved them for it. – Harold Kushner, Living a Life that Matters

See Wendy the song you sent me today…caused a blog post to flow out. Thank you my friend.